I is for an Insecure Identity.
P is for Perfect.
R is for Replay.
I is for Insecure Identity.
Doesn't it kind of seem like a paradox to say that pride represents your insecurities? This concept took me a long time to understand. Pride was supposed to be this thing that people boasted about. Pride was supposed to be that thing that people got when they were really good at something, and they knew it. Even Google says that pride is "a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements". At least that's what our world wants to believe. And they're OK with that.
When I was little and learning about pride for the first time, I remember thinking, "I'll never have to worry about that... but I bet Brad Pitt's really prideful. And Brittney Spears. And Carmello Anthony. And Koby Bryant. And Carrie Underwood. I bet all of them are prideful." Why? Obviously because they were all famous! They all had something to brag about, to show the world! I just thought "I won't ever be famous, therefore, I'll never have to deal with pride."
HA! If ONLY pride was something that was just for the rich and famous...
But no.... unfortunately, that is not the case. Unfortunately pride knows us well. Too well. For the longest time, I couldn't see my pride because I was looking with the wrong lenses. I kept examining myself for arrogance, pity, selfish thoughts, and carelessness, and while that stuff was definitely there some of the time, it wasn't enough to convince me that I was prideful... but yet that word... it kept coming up everywhere. My mom kept bringing it up from time to time... my dad mentioned it once or twice... I kept reading about it in my devotional time with God.
Let me take a second to remind you that having the revelation that I am a prideful person, did not just happen once... or twice. It has happened multiple times. And though it's so easy to get discouraged by this fact, I can also remind myself how thankful I really am. I'm thankful because if I hadn't been reminded so many times of how prideful I am, where would I be now? As you might remember from my last post, pride repeats itself over and over. It's a constant battle that you can never let your guard down to. The first couple times it hit me, I could see that I had founded my identity in my music, my friends, boyfriend, and even my faith. And yes, I took "satisfaction" and "deep pleasure" in my life accomplishments and relationships. But I wasn't ready to give that up necessarily, so I just decided to uh.. be a better person. So pride went away for awhile.
Then life happened.
My boyfriend went to Chicago for college.
My brother got married.
My grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, she passed away a month later.
My nana died a month after her.
My closest friends had moved away or moved on.
My parents grieved... I didn't know how.
So I got lost. I created another life, another world, another place that I didn't have to grieve, didn't have to hurt, didn't have to watch others around me suffering. I got so lost in this fantasy and then it all came crashing down and shattered my life in calamitous ways. If there was a rock bottom, this was it. This is where pride and I reacquainted ourselves with each other. We shook hands, caught up, asked about the kids; the usual... I could not understand how I got to this place, and why pride was involved. Come to find out, pride doesn't just root itself in your successes, but in your weaknesses. In your self-doubts, your lack of confidence, in your fears.
I is for an Insecure Identity.
I had gotten so terrified of life and I didn't even know it. I was scared to feel, because I knew that if I felt everything that sat in front of me, waiting to be dealt with, I would crumble into little tiny pieces and not know how to ever put myself back together again. Pride took advantage of everything I refused to confront in my life. It clung to it, it molded itself to it and took on this disguise that looked just like it. After one or two good cries, it would convince me that I had dealt with the issue and that I could move on. Imagine living life in a movie theater with those 3D glasses on for a month, and then taking them off and realizing that everything you were seeing wasn't actually real life, it was just a sketch that you wanted to be your life. That was where I was at.
Here's the second catch though. Pride latches on when you're down, and it keeps you from ever looking up. Though you think you're thinking "poor me" and "I'm hopeless", you're actually thinking "somehow, someday I, and I alone will get myself out of this mess... it's only a matter of time..." Am I right? Pride blinds you to the hope that God has already rescued you from sin. As long as you aren't pursuing God desperately and passionately, you are blinding yourself to His power and restoration. You see, life WILL knock you down. You will fall so hard on your face that you don't feel your nose or mouth anymore. You will screw up so badly that you can't imagine ever getting another shot. BUT, you are not the only one fighting for you to get back up. Pride tries to tell us that when we're down, it's OUR job to get back up. It's OUR fight. If WE can't do it, no one can. If WE aren't strong enough, then no one is strong enough. My friends, that is just not true!!
For too long I have believed that I am the one that can fix my schedule, my priorities, my relationships, my heart, and my family. I am the one that can develop good character and trust. I am the one that can fight my pride. But I'm not.
I'm not.
You're not.
You can't.
You will never be able to get yourself out of whatever pit you fell into. Only the blood of Jesus Christ can do that, and until you are ready to accept that truth, you will be wandering that deep dark hole and believing any and every lie the devil throws at you for an eternity.
1 Peter 1:18-19 says "For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver. It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God."
My friend, your sins have been paid for by someone else's wounds. Your pride, your harsh words, your mistakes, regrets, lies, and scars have been taken from you, laid upon one man and paid for. Jesus Christ already conquered death for your mistakes, so WHY are you letting yourself believe that YOU have to be the one to save yourself? Are you really as great as Him? Are you really as strong as He is? Are you REALLY able to save yourself?
It's taken me awhile to let go of my mistakes. It's so much easier to sit here at a computer and tell you all what not to do because I've been there... But I want to challenge you to do something with me. I want to challenge you to find your identity. I know that mine is not in Christ right now, but I know it needs to be. As you go through these next few weeks, take the time to thank God for rescuing you. Thank Him for loving you just as you are! Thank Him for giving you the gifts you have and thank Him for the trials He's putting you through because THAT is where you grow. I know that this is my goal for the week, and all I ask, is that no matter where you are in your struggle with pride or just life in general is that you consider what your identity is truly founded in.
In Christ Alone
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKLvgcNUAUA
R is for Replay.
I is for Insecure Identity.
Doesn't it kind of seem like a paradox to say that pride represents your insecurities? This concept took me a long time to understand. Pride was supposed to be this thing that people boasted about. Pride was supposed to be that thing that people got when they were really good at something, and they knew it. Even Google says that pride is "a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements". At least that's what our world wants to believe. And they're OK with that.
When I was little and learning about pride for the first time, I remember thinking, "I'll never have to worry about that... but I bet Brad Pitt's really prideful. And Brittney Spears. And Carmello Anthony. And Koby Bryant. And Carrie Underwood. I bet all of them are prideful." Why? Obviously because they were all famous! They all had something to brag about, to show the world! I just thought "I won't ever be famous, therefore, I'll never have to deal with pride."
HA! If ONLY pride was something that was just for the rich and famous...
But no.... unfortunately, that is not the case. Unfortunately pride knows us well. Too well. For the longest time, I couldn't see my pride because I was looking with the wrong lenses. I kept examining myself for arrogance, pity, selfish thoughts, and carelessness, and while that stuff was definitely there some of the time, it wasn't enough to convince me that I was prideful... but yet that word... it kept coming up everywhere. My mom kept bringing it up from time to time... my dad mentioned it once or twice... I kept reading about it in my devotional time with God.
Let me take a second to remind you that having the revelation that I am a prideful person, did not just happen once... or twice. It has happened multiple times. And though it's so easy to get discouraged by this fact, I can also remind myself how thankful I really am. I'm thankful because if I hadn't been reminded so many times of how prideful I am, where would I be now? As you might remember from my last post, pride repeats itself over and over. It's a constant battle that you can never let your guard down to. The first couple times it hit me, I could see that I had founded my identity in my music, my friends, boyfriend, and even my faith. And yes, I took "satisfaction" and "deep pleasure" in my life accomplishments and relationships. But I wasn't ready to give that up necessarily, so I just decided to uh.. be a better person. So pride went away for awhile.
Then life happened.
My boyfriend went to Chicago for college.
My brother got married.
My grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, she passed away a month later.
My nana died a month after her.
My closest friends had moved away or moved on.
My parents grieved... I didn't know how.
So I got lost. I created another life, another world, another place that I didn't have to grieve, didn't have to hurt, didn't have to watch others around me suffering. I got so lost in this fantasy and then it all came crashing down and shattered my life in calamitous ways. If there was a rock bottom, this was it. This is where pride and I reacquainted ourselves with each other. We shook hands, caught up, asked about the kids; the usual... I could not understand how I got to this place, and why pride was involved. Come to find out, pride doesn't just root itself in your successes, but in your weaknesses. In your self-doubts, your lack of confidence, in your fears.
I is for an Insecure Identity.
I had gotten so terrified of life and I didn't even know it. I was scared to feel, because I knew that if I felt everything that sat in front of me, waiting to be dealt with, I would crumble into little tiny pieces and not know how to ever put myself back together again. Pride took advantage of everything I refused to confront in my life. It clung to it, it molded itself to it and took on this disguise that looked just like it. After one or two good cries, it would convince me that I had dealt with the issue and that I could move on. Imagine living life in a movie theater with those 3D glasses on for a month, and then taking them off and realizing that everything you were seeing wasn't actually real life, it was just a sketch that you wanted to be your life. That was where I was at.
Here's the second catch though. Pride latches on when you're down, and it keeps you from ever looking up. Though you think you're thinking "poor me" and "I'm hopeless", you're actually thinking "somehow, someday I, and I alone will get myself out of this mess... it's only a matter of time..." Am I right? Pride blinds you to the hope that God has already rescued you from sin. As long as you aren't pursuing God desperately and passionately, you are blinding yourself to His power and restoration. You see, life WILL knock you down. You will fall so hard on your face that you don't feel your nose or mouth anymore. You will screw up so badly that you can't imagine ever getting another shot. BUT, you are not the only one fighting for you to get back up. Pride tries to tell us that when we're down, it's OUR job to get back up. It's OUR fight. If WE can't do it, no one can. If WE aren't strong enough, then no one is strong enough. My friends, that is just not true!!
For too long I have believed that I am the one that can fix my schedule, my priorities, my relationships, my heart, and my family. I am the one that can develop good character and trust. I am the one that can fight my pride. But I'm not.
I'm not.
You're not.
You can't.
You will never be able to get yourself out of whatever pit you fell into. Only the blood of Jesus Christ can do that, and until you are ready to accept that truth, you will be wandering that deep dark hole and believing any and every lie the devil throws at you for an eternity.
1 Peter 1:18-19 says "For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver. It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God."
My friend, your sins have been paid for by someone else's wounds. Your pride, your harsh words, your mistakes, regrets, lies, and scars have been taken from you, laid upon one man and paid for. Jesus Christ already conquered death for your mistakes, so WHY are you letting yourself believe that YOU have to be the one to save yourself? Are you really as great as Him? Are you really as strong as He is? Are you REALLY able to save yourself?
It's taken me awhile to let go of my mistakes. It's so much easier to sit here at a computer and tell you all what not to do because I've been there... But I want to challenge you to do something with me. I want to challenge you to find your identity. I know that mine is not in Christ right now, but I know it needs to be. As you go through these next few weeks, take the time to thank God for rescuing you. Thank Him for loving you just as you are! Thank Him for giving you the gifts you have and thank Him for the trials He's putting you through because THAT is where you grow. I know that this is my goal for the week, and all I ask, is that no matter where you are in your struggle with pride or just life in general is that you consider what your identity is truly founded in.
In Christ Alone
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKLvgcNUAUA
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